The Art of Courtly Love
by Andreas Capellanus
translated by John Jay Parry
(New York, Frederick Ungar, 1959)
Andreas is very fond of loose, straggling sentences strung together with “and,” “but,” “for,” “so,” or some similar connective. Medieval rhetoric was much more tolerant of such sentences than modern readers are, but Andreas seems to go beyond the practice of his contemporaries.
Page vii.
Andreas is not a great literary figure like his friend and fellow citizen Chrétien de Troyes, but perhaps for that very reason he brings us closer to the actual life of the time than does Chrétien.
Page 3.
“Courtly love” … developed in the twelfth century among the troubadours of southern France, but soon spread into the neighboring countries and in one way or another colored the literature of most of western Europe for centuries.
Page 3.
For all practical purposes we may say that the origin of courtly love is to be found in the writings of the poet Ovid who lived in Rome in the time of the Emperor Augustus.
Page 4.
No one of the troubadours produced even an approach to a treatise on the art; we have to get our idea of it form their lyric poems.
Page 6.
Love is an art and has its rules; lovers take service in the army of Cupid, and in this service they become pale and thin and sleepless; one cannot love one’s own wife but must love the wife of some other man, so of necessity the affair must be kept secret; love cannot exist apart from jealousy.
Page 6.
In France the first troubadour of whom we have any record was Duke William of Aquitaine.
Page 12.
Of this Andreas the Chaplain we know almost nothing aside from his book. His name is signed as a witness to seven charters dated between 1182 and 1186.
Page 17.
In the latter part of his book he refers to himself as “chaplain of the royal court,” and although no evidence to substantiate this claim has ever been found, it may well have been true, in view of the close relations between Troyes and Paris which existed at the time.
Page 17.
The picture we get of Andreas from his book is that of a man who is connected with the Church, but for whom spiritual affairs are not the first consideration.
Page 18.
The early Fathers of the Church taught that virginity was preferable to marriage and attempted to popularize the celibate life by dwelling on the vices of women.
Page 18.
Andreas’s knowledge of the Bible is about what one might expect of a none too sincere cleric. With the work of the Church Fathers he seems to have had some slight acquaintance.
Page 19.
The date falls toward the end of Queen Eleanor’s domination at Poitiers, and the book is undoubtedly intended to present us with a picture of life in her circle there.
Page 20.
Although Andreas’s book was almost certainly intended to portray conditions at Queen Eleanor’s court at Poitiers between 1170 and 1174, the actual writing of it must have taken place some years later.
Page 21.
That the work of Andreas enjoyed considerable popularity is also shown by the number of manuscripts that have been preserved and by the translations into the vernaculars.
Page 22.
♦
Love is a certain inborn suffering derived form the sight of and excessive meditation upon the beauty of the opposite sex.
Page 28.
When a man sees some woman fit for love and shaped according to his taste, he begins at once to lust after her in his heart; then the more he thinks about her the more he burns with love, until he comes to a fuller meditation.
Page 29.
Love cannot exist except between persons of opposite sexes. Between two men or two women love can find no place, for we see that two persons of the same sex are not at all fitted for gibing each other the exchange of love or for practicing the acts natural to it. Whatever nature forbids, love is ashamed to accept.
Page 30.
Love is always either decreasing or increasing. I know from my own experience that when poverty comes in, the things that nourished love begin to leave, because “poverty has nothing with which to feed its love.”
Page 30.
Love gets its name (amor), which means “to capture” or “to be captured,” for he who is in love is captured in the chains of desire and wishes to capture someone else with his hook.
Page 31.
Love causes a rough and uncouth man to be distinguished for his handsomeness; it can endow a man even of the humblest birth with nobility of character; it blesses the proud with humility; and the man in love becomes accustomed to performing many services gracefully for everyone.
Page 31.
There is another thing about love that we should not praise in few words: it adorns a man, so to speak, with the virtue of chastity, because he who shines with the light of one love can hardly think of embracing another woman.
Page 31.
Everyone of sound mind who is capable of doing the work of Venus may be wounded by one of Love’s arrows unless prevented by age, or blindness, or excess of passion. Age is a bar, because after the sixtieth year in a man and the fiftieth in a woman, although one may have intercourse his passion cannot develop into love; because at that age the natural heat begins to lose its force, and the natural moisture is greatly increased, which leads a man into various difficulties and t roubles him with various ailments, and there are no consolations in the world for him except food and drink. Similarly, a girl under the age of twelve and a boy before the fourteenth year do not serve in love’s army. However, I say and insist that before his eighteenth year a man cannot be a true lover, because up to that age he is overcome with embarrassment over any little thing, which not only interferes with the perfecting of love, but even destroys it if it is well perfected. But we find another even more powerful reason, which is that before this age a man has no constancy, but is changeable in every way, for such a tender age cannot think about the mysteries of love’s realm.
Pages 32-33.
A wise woman will therefore seek as a lover a man of praiseworthy character - not one who anoints himself all over like a woman or makes a rite of the care of thee body, for it does not go with a masculine figure to adorn oneself in womanly fashion or to be devoted to the care of the body.
Page 34.
A woman who puts all her reliance on her rouge usually doesn’t have any particular gifts of character. As I said about men, so with women - I believe you should not seek for beauty so much as for excellence of character.
Page 34.
A person of good character draws the love of another person of the same kind, for a well-instructed lover, man or woman, does not reject an ugly lover if the character within is good.
Page 35.
It is excellence of character alone which blesses a man with true nobility and makes him flourish in ruddy beauty.
Page 35.
A man married to a woman of higher or lower rank that himself does not change his rank. A married woman changes her status to match that of her husband, but a man can never change his nobility by marriage.
Page 36.
After the man has greeted the woman he ought to let a little time elapse, so that she may, if she wishes, speak first.
Page 36.
It is not fitting that any man, unless he is bold and well-instructed, should enter into a conversation with ladies.
Page 36.
Women, particularly middle-class women from the country, commonly delight in being commended and readily believe every word that looks like praise.
Page 37.
Love makes even an ugly woman seem very beautiful to her lover.
Pages 37-38.
Since an excellent character makes noble not only women but men also, you are perhaps wrong in refusing me your love, since my manners, too, may illumine me with the virtue of nobility. Your first concern should be whether I lack refined manners, and if you find my status higher than you would naturally expect, you ought not deprive me of the hope of your love.
Page 38.
If you should find a man who is distinguished by both kinds of nobility, it would be better to take as a lover the man whose only nobility is that of character.
Page 38.
Old age is certainly not a thing to disapprove of, since we are all drawing near to it at the same speed, and the same nature that not one of us can resist is bringing us to it.
Page 39.
I am not in the least to blame for the fact that I am so far advanced in life, and it ought not to be considered to my disadvantage.
Page 39.
It is not proper to assume that a man is old because his hair is white, for we constantly see many men who grow white when they are not old, while others who are decrepit with age have not grown white at all. Therefore you should judge a man’s age more by his heart than by his hair.
Page 40.
A man who seeks for the love of a woman of good character should be of excellent character himself and should have many good deeds to his credit.
Page 40.
All men agree that no one does a good or courteous deed in the world unless it is derived form the fount of love. Love will therefore be the origin and cause of all good, and when the cause ceases, its effects must necessarily cease.
Page 40.
A woman does better if she takes a man who is none too good, makes him praiseworthy through her good character, and by her instruction adds him to the court of Love, than if she makes some good man better. In other words, just as there is more profit to God in the conversion of one sinner the an in the improvement of the ninety-nine just, so society gains more when one man who is not good is rendered excellent than when the worthy character f some good man is increased.
Page 42.
From ancient times four distinct stages have been established in love: the first consists in the giving of hope, the second in the granting of a kiss, the third in the enjoyment of an embrace, and the fourth culminates in the yielding of the whole person.
Page 42.
What greater thing can a woman give than to yield herself to te mastery of someone else?
Page 43.
Love is a thing that copies Nature herself, and so lovers ought to make no more distinction between classes of men than Love himself does.
Page 45.
I may select for my beloved any woman I choose so long as I have no depravity of character to debase me.
Page 45.
Love forces everyone, without distinctions, to love.
Page 47.
Nothing is more suited to the character of a well-born woman than to use gentle words when she speaks, and nothing seems more contrary to a noble character and more degrading to nobility of blood than to use harsh, discourteous ones.
Page 48.
Any man’s nobility is determined more by his character than by his birth.
Page 49.
Do not look down on worth, no matter in whom you find it, since we gather roses from the sharp thorns amid which they grow, and gold which we find in a vessel of cheaper material cannot lost any of its value.
Page 50.
I say firmly that no one should go beyond the bounds of his rank, but each worthy man should seek within it for the love of some worthy woman, and a man of the middle class should seek for the love of a woman of that same class.
Page 51.
Your good character doesn’t put you in the class with the nobles, but gets you the name of a good man of the middle class, worthy of the love of a good woman of that same class.
Page 52.
In order that a man of this class may prove worthy of the love of a woman of the higher nobility he must be a man with innumerable good things to his credit, one whom uncounted good deeds extol.
Page 53.
A man of the middle class must therefore greatly excel in character all the men of the two noble classes in order to deserve the love of a woman of the higher nobility, for no matter how worthy any commoner may be, it seems very much out of place if a countess or a marchioness or any woman of the same or a higher rank gives her love to a man of the middle class, and even the lower classes look upon it as a lowering and a demeaning of herself.
Page 53.
If she finds anyone in the classes above him who is more worthy or as worthy, she ought to prefer the love of that man; but if she doesn’t find any such person in these classes, then she should not reject the commoner.
Page 54.
That which is not in keeping with anyone’s character is usually blown away by a light breeze and lasts but a brief moment.
Page 54.
Praise uttered in the presence of the person praised seems to have the appearance of clever flattery.
Page 54.
Anyone who re fuses to accept services when they are offered embarrasses the giver and shows that he himself is constrained by the vice of avarice.
Page 55.
Fickle and untruthful people ought not come under the sway of Love’s court.
Page 55.
To live in love is more pleasant than any other way of life in the world.
Page 55.
You should lean to base your objections on a man’s character, not on his legs, because in objecting to legs you seem to be blaming divine nature.
Page 58.
The hope I seek, at least on condition that I try to do all those things that you have taught me.
Page 61.
Since love offers everybody in the world an incentive to do good, properly before everything else we ought to seek love as the root and principal cause of everything good.
Page 61.
When a man is considered to be of a more privileged rank than the woman, he may, if he wishes, sit down beside her without asking permission. If they are of the same rank he may ask permission to sit beside her, and if she grants it he may sit down by her side, but not unless she does. But where the man is of lower rank than the woman, he must not ask permission to sit beside her, but he may ask to sit in a lower place. If, however, she gives him permission to sit beside her, he may without fear oblige her.
Page 62.
He who has not proved himself a good soldier in his own class does not do well, I believe, when he serves in some other one. Seek, therefore, a love within your own class.
Page 64.
When a man has seen fit to love a woman honorably, her beauty is always very pleasing to him even though others find her misshapen and spiritless.
Page 65.
Love compels me to love as I do.
Page 65.
Whatever is done after deliberation does not need to be repented of in shame.
Page 67.
I may seem to depart from you I the body, but in my heart I shall always be bound to you.
Page 68.
Although in the flesh I rarely come into your presence, in heart and in spirit I never depart from it, for the continual thought which I have of you makes me present with you very often and makes me see constantly with the eyes of the heart that treasure about which all my attention turns, and it brings me both pains and many solaces.
Page 69.
The bare sight of the places which you seem to inhabit, when reflected in the air, provides me with powerful incentives for living and with many solaces for a lover.
Page 69.
No one can know, unless he has experienced them, how many troubles lovers undergo, for they are exposed to so many pains and wearinesses that no one could learn them except from experience.
Pages 70-71.
Only after you have tried it is it proper for you to reject it.
Page 71.
One can find nothing in the world more desirable than love, since form it comes the doing of every good thing and without it no one would do anything good in the world.
Page 72.
The chief rules in love are these twelve that follow:
I. Thou shalt avoid avarice like the deadly pestilence and shalt embrace its opposite.
II. Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou lovest.
III. Thou shalt not knowingly strive to break up a correct love affair that someone else is engaged in.
IV. Thou shalt not choose for they love anyone whom a natural sense of shame forbids thee to marry.
V. Be mindful completely to avoid falsehood.
VI. Thou shalt not have many who know of thy love affair.
VII. Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever strive to ally thyself to the service of Love.
VIII. In giving and receiving love’s solaces let modesty be ever present.
IX. Thou shalt speak no evil.
X. Thou shalt not be a revealer of love affairs.
XI. Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.
XII. In practicing the solaces of love thou shalt not exceed the desires of thy lover. Pages 80-81.
Every man ought to ask for love where love’s persuasion impels him; for that love is excellent which in any class a rises solely from pleasure and delight in the beauty of some woman and is not sought after because of the privileges of rank alone.
Page 85.
Since no man can make his good faith absolutely convincing to any woman, by the same reasoning that you use any woman might reject any man.
Page 87.
Even if I were inclined to love someone else, it would not be proper for you to ask or for me to tell you about it.
Page 88.
All men are clearly agreed and the rule of Love shows us that neither woman nor man in this world can be considered happy or well-bred, nor can he do anything good, unless love inspires him. Wherefore you must needs conclude that loving is a good thing and a desirable one. Therefore if a person of either sex desires to be considered good or praiseworthy in the world, he or she is bound to love.
Page 88.
It is dishonorable to deny one’s love to the first worthy man who asks for it and not very honorable to give it to a later suitor, since Love does not want one of his servants to be benefited at the expense of another. I beg you, therefore, do not pay to one man what properly you owe to another.
Page 89.
Which I should follower - my heart or my head?
Page 89.
You ought to choose the side that is supported by justice and truth.
Page 89.
What sort of love can it be that is undertaken against the desire of the heart?
Page 89.
You must never praise anyone so highly that you may afterward be ashamed to qualify this praise by a word of disparagement, and you must not disparage anyone so much that you cannot afterward praise him without shame.
Page 93.
You do well if you strive to do the things that are in keeping with your birth and character. For men of the higher nobility are bound to have more noble manners than other men, and they do more harm to their reputations by a little boorishness or by refraining from doing good than men of low birth and common breeding do to theirs by committing rather grave offenses.
Page 93.
No man of character should relate bad things about anybody.
Page 94.
No man who has any reputation for goodness should do things that depart from the way of good men.
Page 94.
You said also that you did not fully understand what the reward was that I was hoping for, toward which all my attention was directed. I desire Your Clemency to be informed that the reward I ask you to promise to give me is one which it is unbearable agony to be without, while to have it is to abound in all riches. It is that you should be pleasant to me unless your desire is opposed to me. It is your love which I seek, in order to restore my health, and which I desire to get by my hunting.
Page 97.
Urgent necessity can be bound by no rules of law.
Page 98.
Lovers who live near together can cure each other of the torments that come from love, can help each other in their common sufferings, and can nourish their love by mutual exchanges and efforts; those, however, who are far apart cannot perceive each other’s pains, but each one has to relieve his own trouble and cure his own torments.
Pages 98-99.
Love’s rule teaches us that the daily sight of each other makes lovers love more ardently.
Page 99.
Everybody should try to find a lover who lives nearby.
Page 99.
Whenever the possession of some good thing is postponed by the difficulty of getting it, we desire it more eagerly and put forth a greater effort to keep it. Therefore if one has difficulty in obtaining the embraces of one’s lover and obtains them rarely, the lovers are bound to each other in more ardent chains of love and their souls are linked together in heavier and closer bonds of affection.
Page 99.
Perseverance is clearly seen in adversities.
Page 99.
You cannot properly refuse me your love with the excuse of the long and difficult distance between us. … besides it is easier to conceal a love affair when the lovers do not meet than when they converse frequently with each other.
Page 99.
Everybody knows that love can have no place between husband and wife. They may be bound to each other by a great and immoderate affection, but their feeling cannot take the place of love, because it cannot fit under the true definition of love.
Page 100.
Everyone should choose that love which may be fostered by security for continual embraces and, what is more, can be practiced every day without any sin. I ought therefore to choose a man to enjoy my embraces who can be to me both husband and lover, because, no matter what the definition of love may say, love seems to be nothing but a great desire to enjoy carnal pleasure with someone, and nothing prevents feeling existing between husband and wife.
Page 102.
I want to be judged by a woman, not by a man.
Page 104.
We declare and we hold as firmly established that love cannot exert its powers between two people who are married to each other. For lovers give each other everything freely, under no compulsion of necessity, but married people are in duty bound to give in to each other’s desires and deny themselves to each other in nothing.
Pages 106-107.
Men cannot amount to anything or taste of the fountain of goodness unless they do this under the persuasion of ladies.
Page 108.
All good things seem to proceed from women.
Page 108.
It is clear that every man should strive with all his might to be of service to ladies so that he may sine by their grace.
Page 108.
Those who desire to enjoy the solaces of love seem to be trying to increase their own good character and to be profitable to others.
Page 109.
Women should … be the cause and origin of good things, that they should, of course, receive everybody with a joyful face and give him a courteous reception.
Page 109.
It seems expedient for us … to keep clear of love and to avoid the laborious difficulties of lovers. For not only are lovers worn out by various wearisome pains when they are awake, but even when they are asleep they are tormented in a great many ways.
Page 110.
To receive anyone with a joyful face when he comes, to give him soft answers, and then when the danger of poverty threatens him not to help him at all with deeds, but merely to persuade him to be courteous in all that he does, is no different from deceiving with gentle flattery a friend who trusts you and then trying to boast of it.
Page 110.
God has not wished that anybody should keep his right foot on earth and his left foot in heaven, since no one can properly devote himself to the service of two masters.
Page 111.
In the business of love all men are rivals and are very jealous of each other.
Page 113.
If any man neglects completely the distr5esses of other men and tries to spend as much as possible on the adornment of his own person, this can never add anything to his praise.
Page 113.
There is nothing in this life more praiseworthy than to love wisely, and no man can do to the full those things that make a man worthy of praise unless he does them under the compulsion of love.
Page 114.
In love we do not think that the preference should go to the man who first offered his services and asked for love, but to the one whose merits make him the more worthy.
Page 115.
The thing to consider is, not when the request in made, but by whom.
Page 115.
One should not be prejudiced against the goodness of one man just because another is better.
Page 115.
The outward appearance shows clearly what is the disposition of the mind within.
Page 117.
Love is a thing which breaks the bonds of griefs, and it is the only thing that can replace the with happy joys and furnish the sweets solaces of delight. Therefore love is a thing for all to seek after and for everyone in the world to cherish, because it can d rive away everybody’s sadness and bring anyone back to a state of joy.
Page 117.
According to the rule of the law you may after the years of grief for your husband have elapsed lay aside all sadness and join the soldiery of lovers. For to grieve for a husband beyond the period fixed by the laws is to despise them and to oppose a rebellious soul to the divine will and to be impiously disposed toward what it has done. Besides, grieving beyond the legal period doesn’t seem to help your dead husband any, and it does do you a great deal of harm.
Page 117.
Indeed the law did fix a humane period of mourning for women to observe, not out of consideration for their weakness, but out of regard for the good of the human race, so that there might be no confusion of descent or mixing of the families of different men.
Page 118.
A woman’s constancy is more firmly established at the beginning of her puberty and most certainly remains unchanged, and nature has permitted the act of Venus to her earlier than to the men, because in women the cold temperament dominates, while the men have a natural heat.
Page 119.
Women are sooner wasted by age than are men, who keep their vigor, and so it is no wonder that the women are earlier established in constancy, for we can see in everything in the world which has life or spirit that the sooner nature brings it to perfection the sooner, by the same law, it is wasted by age.
Page 119.
Although a lover may be deceitful and may be plotting to disgrace the service of Love, under the impulse of passion he tries in everything he does to pretend that he is a true lover and to deceive those who trust him.
Page 119.
Careless youth very often goes wrong in attributing to nobility of descent what is really an attribute of wisdom and character.
Page 120.
We do not consider a man a true friend if when giving advice he ignores the good of his friend and looks out only for himself, nor should we give in to the desire of such a friend who seeks only his own good.
Page 121.
One kind of love is pure, and one is called mixed. It is the pure love which binds together the hearts of two lovers with every feeling of delight. This kind consists in the contemplation of the mind and the affection of the hear; it goes as far as the kiss and the embrace and the modest contact with the nude lover, omitting the final solace, for that is not permitted to those who wish to love purely. … But that is called mixed love which gets its effect form every delight of the flesh and culminates in the final act of Venus.
Page 122.
Mixed love, too, is real love, and it is praiseworthy, and we say that it is the source of all good things, although from it grave dangers threaten, too.
Pages122-123.
A clerk ought to concern himself only with the services of the Church and to avoid al the desires of the flesh.
Page 123.
You must not believe that the delight of the flesh is forbidden to the clergy alone, since God bids every Christian be on his guard against all bodily uncleanness and wholly to avoid fleshly desires.
Page 124.
If I ask any woman to love me, she cannot refuse me on the pretext that I am a clerk; indeed I shall prove to you by inevitable necessity that in love a clerk is preferable to a layman. We find that a clerk is in every respect more cautious and more prudent than a layman, and conducts himself and his affairs with great restraint, and is accustomed to keep everything within more proper bounds; that is because a clerk, as the Scripture tells us, has an experienced knowledge of all things. Therefore in love he is to be preferred to a layman, because it has been found that nothing in the world is so necessary as to be experienced in carrying on all tings connected with love. So if you find me otherwise worthy of your love, you cannot with propriety cast me aside just because you see that I am enrolled among the clergy.
Page 125.
Even if we do not find a greater sin in the love of a clerk than in that of a layman, there is something else that most emphatically keeps women form loving a clerk. … a clerk comes before us dressed in women’s garments, unsightly because of his shaven head, he cannot aid anybody with gifts unless he wants to take some other man’s property, and we find him given up to continual indolence and devoted only to serving his belly; for these reasons if he dares to speak a word of love to any woman of character, she should prudently check him as soon as he begins to speak.
Page 126.
Many people abstain from things that are forbidden and wicked more because of the disgrace in this world than to avoid the torments of the everlasting death.
Page 126.
A man polluted by shedding blood is not acceptable for the service of God.
Page 127.
If you were to assume that those who are idle are the greatest gluttons, you would by all living reason have to assume it of all women, for they all live in a state of continual bodily rest.
Page 128.
Love is a gracious thing, arising only out of nobility of the heart and pure liberality of the mind, and so should be given to everybody without cost and with no idea of payment, although lovers may, for mutual solace, honor each other with certain gifts.
Page 131.
There is no rule to forbid women of their own accord giving their love to any worthy man.
Page 131.
No woman of any character ought to be so quick to assent to her lover’s desire, for the quick and hasty granting of love arouses contempt in the lover and makes the love he has long desired seem cheap.
Page 132.
A woman ought first to find out the man’s character by many tests and have clear evidence of his good faith.
Page 132.
If he is carelessly kept in suspense when he is badly smitten with love for a woman, he cannot keep form aunting the place where she is and staring at her with his longing eyes. … Therefore when a woman is asked for her love she ought to put her suitor off for only a short time if she is inclined to love him.
Page 133.
When she has fully determined not to love a suitor, she should pleasantly and prudently and politely tell him he is rejected, not upset his soul by any rude remark or keep him in suspense by any promise.
Page 133.
Love’s mandate says that no one should knowingly subvert a love which has been properly established by anyone else.
Page 134.
According to the teaching of Love no one may expose the secrets of his love to many people.
Page 134.
No wise man can have any doubt that higher things are preferable to lower ones, for heaven is preferable to earth, paradise to hell, and angels to men. Also, the upper part of a man - that is, the head - is considered the more worthy, because it is with regard to his face that a man is said to be formed in the image of his Creator, and a man is said to be buried where his head is interred.
Page 138.
No one can love anywhere except where the spirit of love leads him and his will compels him.
Page 139.
We do not consider that a man has lost anything if through error he gets a thing that belongs to someone else and then, after the error is discovered, gives it up.
Page 139.
The clerk is considered to be of the most noble class by virtue of his sacred calling, a nobility which we agree comes form God’s bosom and is granted to him by the Divine Will.
Page 142.
A clerk’s nobility … is not derived form his ancestors, nor can the secular power deprive him of it, but by God’s grace alone.
Page 142.
A clerk ought therefore to be a stranger to every at of love and to put aside all uncleanness of body, or he will deserve to be deprived of this special nobility granted him by God.
Page 142.
Love’s commandment warns us not to choose for our love any woman whom we may not properly seek to marry.
Page 143.
We should … condemn absolutely the love of nuns and reject their solaces just as though they carried the plague.
Page 143.
Real love comes only from the affection of the heart and is granted out of pure grace and genuine liberality, and this most precious gift of love cannot be paid for at any set price or be cheapened by a matter of money.
Page 144.
A woman who is really in love always rejects and hates gifts from her lover, and devotes her efforts to increasing his wealth so that he may always have something he can give away and thereby increase his good name; she does not expect anything form his except the sweet solaces of the flesh and that her fame may increase among all men because he praises her.
Page 145.
It is a great disgrace for a lover to allow his beloved to be in need of anything when he himself has plenty.
Page 145.
If does not come from the pure pleasure of giving and is not given without payment, it is not love, but a lying and profane imitation of it.
Page 146.
You should strive with all your might to find a loved one whose faithfulness to you will not be changed if great poverty or misfortune should come upon you.
Page 146.
Since women are able to confer praise, they give the occasion for doing all the good things that are done in the world.
Page 148.
When a woman is so passionate that she cannot confine herself to one man, but desires to gratify the passion of many, there love can find no place at all. For true love joins the hearts of two persons with so great a feeling of delight that they cannot desire to embrace anybody else.
Page 149.
It rarely happens that we find farmers serving in |Love’s court, but naturally, like a horse or a mule, they give themselves up to the work of Venus, as nature’s urging teaches them to do.
Page 149.
The man who wants to keep his love affair for a long time untroubled should above all tings be careful not to let it be known to any outsider, but should keep it hidden from everybody; because when a number of people begin to get wind of such an affair, it ceases to develop naturally and even loses what progress it has already made.
Page 151.
Every man ought to be sparing of praise of his beloved when he is among other men; he should not talk about her often or at great length, and he should not spend a great deal of time in places where she is.
Page 151.
Lovers should not even nod to each other unless they are sure that nobody is watching them.
Page 152.
All lovers ought to despise all worldly riches and should give almost to those who have need of them. Nothing is considered more praiseworthy in a lover than to be known to be generous, and no matter how worthy a man may be otherwise, avarice degrades him.
Page 152.
It detracts very much from the good character of a man if he is timid in a fight.
Page 152.
No one is likely to please his beloved, if she is a wise woman, by wearing strange clothing or by practicing manners that do not suit his status.
Page 152.
The grater the difficulty of exchanging solaces, the more do the desire for them and the feeling of love increase.
Page 153.
If one of the lovers dreams about the other, that gives rise to love, or if love already exists it increases it.
Page 153.
Love is greatly intensified by a carriage and a way of walking that please the beloved, by a readiness to say pretty things, by a pleasant manner of speaking, and by hearing men sing the praises of the loved one.
Page 154.
Too many opportunities for exchanging solaces, too many opportunities of seeing the loved one, too much chance to talk to each other all decrease love.
Page 154.
Other things which weaken love are blasphemy against God or His saints, mockery of the ceremonies of the Church, and an deliberate withholding of charity from the poor.
Page 155.
When love haw definitely begun to decline, it quickly comes to an end unless something comes to save it.
Page 156.
Love comes to an end if one of the lovers breaks faith or tries to break faith with the other, or if he is found to go astray from the Catholic religion. It comes to an end also after it has been openly revealed and made known to men.
Page 156.
An old love also ends when a new one begins, because no one can love two people at the same time.
Page 156.
If the parties concerned marry, love is violently put to flight.
Page 156.
Nothing is more necessary to lovers than to know beyond a doubt how the people they love feel towards them.
Page 157.
A woman who turns pale in the presence of her lover is without a doubt really in love.
Page 158.
It is well if lovers pretend from time to time to be angry at each other, for if one lets the other see that he is angry and that something has made him indignant with his loved one, he can find out clearly how faithful she is.
Pages 158-159.
It is a great blot on a woman’s character if she has anything more to do with a lover who has engaged in a new love.
Page 160.
What greater favor can be shown to any man in the world than for him to have the love of the woman he desires?
Page 160.
When a woman is asked for her love, before she grants it she should make ever effort to find out the character and the good faith of the man who is asking, so that there will be nothing she does not know about him.
Page 161.
A woman ought by no means to give her lover permission to enjoy the embraces of another woman.
Page 162.
Let us discuss the old mistake and see what should be done if it is the woman who is unfaithful to her lover. The old opinion, held by some, is that when the woman is at fault the same rule should be followed as in the case of the man … . but this rule, although old, should not be respected on that account, since it would lead us into great error. God forbid that we should ever declare that a woman who is not ashamed to wanton with two men should go unpunished. Although in the case of men such a thing is tolerated because it is so common and because the sex has a privilege by which all things in this world which are by their nature immodest are more readily allowed to men, in the case of a woman they are, because of the decency of the modest sex, considered so disgraceful that after a woman has indulged the passions of several men everybody looks upon her as an unclean strumpet unfit to associate with other ladies.
Page 162.
If any woman has made a mistake of this kind and has obligated herself to an unworthy lover, she ought to devote all her efforts to improving his character and drawing him away from his evil practices. But if she sees that all her efforts will not make any improvement in him, she may freely and without fear of blame send him away and never give him another embrace. The same thing should, we think, be said of a man who makes a mistake and carelessly joins himself to a woman of bad character.
Page 165.
Love may be revealed to three people besides the lovers themselves, for the lover is allowed to find a suitable confidant from whom he may get secret comfort in his love affair and who will offer him sympathy if things turn out badly; the woman may choose a similar confidante. Besides these they may have one faithful intermediary, chosen by common consent, through whom the affair may always be managed in secret and in the proper fashion.
Page 165.
When a woman has granted any man the hope of her love or has given him any of the other preliminary gifts, and she finds him not unworthy of this love, it is very wrong for her to try to deprive him of the love he has so long hoped for.
Page 166.
All lovers are bound, when practicing love’s solaces, to be mutually obedient to each other’s desires.
Page 167.
A woman does not do very wisely if she chooses to love an unworthy man.
Page 170.
Ordinarily the bravery of men very much incites the love of women and makes them retain this love for a long time.
Page 174.
A woman who loves may freely accept from her lover the following: a handkerchief, a fillet for the hair, a wreath of gold or silver, a breastpin, a mirror, a girdle, a purse, a tassel, a comb, sleeves, gloves, a ring, a compact, a picture, a wash basin, little dishes, trays, a flag as a souvenir, and, to speak in general terms, a woman may accept form her lover any little gift which may be useful for the care of the person or pleasing to look at or which may call the lover to her mind, if it is clear that in accepting the gift she is free form all avarice.
Page 176.
If they correspond with each other by letter they should refrain from signing their own names. … And they ought not to seal their letters to each other with their own seals unless they happen to have secret seals known only to themselves and their confidants.
Page 177.
These are the rules:
I. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
II. He who is not jealous cannot love.
III. No one can be bound by a double love.
IV. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
V. That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.
VI. Boys do not love until they arrive at the age of maturity.
VII. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
VIII. No one should be deprived of love without the very gest of reasons.
IX. No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love.
X. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
XI. It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.
XII. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
XIII. When made public love rarely endures.
XIV. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
XV. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
XVI. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
XVII. A new love puts to flight an old one.
XVIII. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
XIX. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
XX. A man in love is always apprehensive.
XXI. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
XXIII. Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved.
XXIV. He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
XXV. Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
XXVI. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
XXVII. Love can deny nothing to love.
XXVIII. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
XXIX. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
XXX. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
XXXI. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
XXXII. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
Pages 185-186.
Any man who devotes his efforts to love loses all his usefulness.
Page 187.
God is more pleased with a man who is able to sin and does not, than with a man who has no opportunity to sin.
Page 187.
No man, so long as he devotes himself to the service of love, can please God by any other works, even if they are good ones.
Page 187.
If God had wished the act of fornication to be without blame, he would have had no reason to order the solemnization of marriage, since God’s people could multiply faster without it than by marrying.
Page 188.
We are bound to love our neighbors, for no one can get along without neighbors even for a short time.
Page 188.
If out of all mankind one finds a single friend, he has found something more precious than any treasure, since there is nothing in the world so valuable that it can be compared to a real friend.
Page 189.
A lover is afraid to do or to say anything which might for any reason make his beloved angry or give her a grievance against him.
Page 190.
Although in men an excess of love or of lechery is tolerated on account of the boldness of the sex, in women it is considered a damnable offense; a woman’s good name is ruined by it, and every wide person looks upon her as an unclean harlot and holds her in utter contempt.
Page 193.
We know beyond a doubt that God Himself is the fountainhead and origin of chastity and of modesty, and f rom Scripture we know that the Devil is really the author of love and lechery.
Pages 194-195.
Lust is the sort of thing that overcomes us if we follow it, but is driven away if we flee from it.
Pages 197-198.
There is nothing in the world more loathsome or more wearisome than to meditate too intently on the nature or the characteristics of a woman.
Page 198.
All virtue without generosity is considered nothing.
Page 198.
Through sin all of God’s gifts in a man are lessened and the span of man’s life is shortened.
Page 199.
The mutual love which you seek in women you cannot find, for no woman ever loved a man or could bind herself to a lover in the mutual bonds of love. For a woman’s desire is to get rich through love, but not to give her lover the solaces that please him. Nobody ought to wonder at this, because it is natural. According to the nature of their sex all women are spotted with the vice of a grasping and avaricious disposition, and they are always alert and devoted to the search for money or profit.
Page 200.
No woman ever has enough money - just as no drunkard ever thinks he has had enough to drink. Even if the whole earth and sea were turned to gold, they could hardly satisfy the avarice of a woman.
Page 201.
Now woman is a miser, because there isn’t a wickedness in the world that men can think of that she will not boldly indulge in for the sake of money.
Page 201.
Every quality that a wise man has is wholly foreign to a woman, because she believes, without thinking, everything she hears.
Page 203.
Every woman … is sullied by the vice of greediness, because every woman tries with all her might to get everything good for herself, not only from other men but even from a husband who is very suitable for her.
Page 203.
You will rarely fail to get from a woman anything you desire if you will take the trouble to feed her lavishly and often.
Page 204.
Never rely upon a woman’s promise or upon her oath, because there is no honesty in her; always be careful to keep your intentions hidden from her, and never tell her your secrets.
Page 205.
If you want a woman to do anything, you can get her to do it by ordering her to do the opposite.
Page 206.
If anybody tries to restrain an angry woman, he will tire himself out with a vain labor.
Page 206.
Every woman seems to despise all other women.
Page 206.
If you will examine carefully all the things that go to make up love, you will see clearly that there are conclusive reasons why a man is bound to avoid it with all his might and to trample under foot all its rule.
Page 210.