English I can’t stand
I know that there are many kinds of English. Different accents and dialects, different vocabularies that sometimes make one native English speaker’s English nearly unintelligible to another native English speaker. And, I know that language evolves. I know that a dictionary is less a firm rule about the proper meaning of words than a mere record of how language is used. I know these things. But it still irks me when I think people don’t know what they’re saying. I hate it when people misspell "Oh" as "O," which is not even a word. Canada's national anthem, for example, is "Oh, Canada," not "O, Canada." I hate it when people say “Why not?” when what they mean is “Why?” When they say “How come?” or “What for?” when, once more, what they mean is “Why?”, or when they say “Why?” when what they really mean is “How?” When people say “You know,” when in fact I don’t know. When they say “multiple,” when what they mean is “many.” (This one really gets me.) I hate it when people say “tiredness” when what they mean is “fatigue.” And when people say “quote” when what they mean is “quotation.” When they say “literally” to emphasize their point when what they really mean is “figuratively” or “metaphorically.” When they say “gotten” when what they mean is “got.” When people talk about “reaching out” to me like a zombie trying to eat my face when what they mean is “contact” or call me. When people ask me, “Are you okay?” when I am obviously not okay. When people say “Yeah, no.” Which is it for God’s sake, yes or no?! When people say “hung” when what they mean is “hanged,” or when they say “suppose to” rather than “supposed to.” When Americans say “y’all / yall” instead of “you” (plural). When people I don’t know, or who are not my friends, call me by my first name in the mistaken belief that using my Christian name is a sign of amity. When some British English speakers pronounce “h” as “haitch.” And again, when some British English speakers drop the “t” in the middle of words, so that a word like “battle” comes out as “ba’le.” Or, when many American English speakers drop or soften their “ds,” so that a word like “mind” comes out as “mine,” “band” becomes “ban,” and “badminton” becomes “ba’minton.” When Americans pronounce “your” as “yer,” and “again” as “agen,” and when Canadians mimic the mispronunciation because they watch too much American TV. I hate it when people say “tats” instead of “tattoos.” And more.