Letters to the Editor,
The Daily Yomiuri,
Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo 100-8055
Every December millions of Japanese households are burglarized by a foreign intruder in red. Maybe he is a communist. People need to be aware, and citizens should be afraid, very afraid! It matters little that nothing is stolen. In fact, just the reverse, booty is deposited directly in unsuspecting citizens’homes. Will the renowned honesty of Japanese cause millions to relinquish to police billions of yen worth of inexplicably discovered loot? And, what is the point of origin of the goods? I mean, do they violate the terms of the World Trade Agreement? Do they conform to all relevant product codes? Maybe the perpetrator is a pedophile, since he has a documented disposition to burgle children’s rooms and is a known seeker of juvenile companionship. Will increased airport security, or heightened vigilance by police and neighborhood committees successfully intercept the intruder as he moves from home to home in the dark? Will mandatory fingerprinting identify the culprit? Will stricter Customs and Immigration screening reveal his breaking-and-entering intent? Are there enough surveillance cameras installed to catch him in the act? I doubt very much that he even enters the country legally. What is the disposition among the public to introducing a curfew on all foreigners as a deterring measure against this one? Does the intruder properly carry his passport? If not, is he properly registered? Many suspect that he associates with large, non-native herbivorous creatures. If so, has the Ministry of Agriculture looked into the matter, or else put into operation extra protocols to screen for BSE and other livestock-borne diseases at this time of the year? Are the animals properly quarantined, examined and approved for entry to Japan? Does the man have a proper license to possess large animals as domesticated pets? Can we enlist the Japan Animal Welfare Society or the International Humane Society to investigate the use of animals as accessories to burglary? He is known to operate a vehicle during his burglarizing rounds. Can the National Police confirm that it is properly registered and safely maintained?
I admit to losing sleep over all these worries.